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On the Move

Oh yes my friends, that pretty much sums up my life.  Blogging took a very far backseat this summer as I was steady working and being the best mommy ever… lol….which is a job that defiantly doesnt end.  My dear darling of a husband has been playing Mr. Mom since April.  He is going on 7 months of unemployment, and let me tell you it’s been hard.  The first few months were fine, he enjoyed being at home with Adalyn, getting things done around the house, relaxing in between etc.  But when the savings ran out, the house had little to work on, his xbox broke (hey its a big deal to a guy), A new baby in the horizon and no good news coming from the job front, things took a different direction.  A noticed a change of attitude, demeanor, and character.  He appeared to be a defeated man, with no purpose, a failure as “man of the house”.  As his wife I did as much as I could and as much as I knew how to do help him, ease his fears, speak positive words of encouragement.  But a man is a man and he knew that something had/has to change so that we can be back on top…it’s his job. 

So as it sits now we are leaning towards moving.  It appears to be the best option for us as a family.  I hate to give in to the negative here but if you look at the numbers and the facts you can’t deny it, the economy here is…not good.  Chris who does not have a college education, not officially trained in a skill and needing to make at least a certain amount per hour, well there just is not anything in NC for him.  So it’s ND bound we go.  The economy is booming, the unemployment rate is less than 3%, houses are being sold before they can build them, oil is being found left and right.  Not to mention my whole family is there, everyone except momma dukes and well she isnt really around much anyway so it’s no biggie.  Oh to be able to see my dad everyday would be like a dream come true.  Adalyn and cream puff would be around the most influential christians in the Schnase clan and her life growing up would be so much more wholesome and “safe”.  It’s just the matter of getting up there that will be the challenge.

SO that’s the plan, we are on the move.  Chris is looking for work up there, we are looking to rental companies that can rent our house and hopefully this will go as smooth as possible.  It probably take a few months to set everything up but as for now we are North Dakota bound!

A New Life

About to start my new life as a non-smoker….erg….again.  This my friends….is HUGE.  A solid smoker at the ripe young age of 16 I always thought I could put them down whenever I wanted to.  When I got pregnant it took about 4 weeks to completely stop but not only did I care to much about the little person growing inside me but they just tasted disgusting (thanks to the hormones).  I didn’t smoke the 3 months I was on maternity leave either however once I started back at work it was just a few short weeks that I picked them up again.  Any excuse to get outside and take a short break.  Again I lived under the delusion that I could put them down as easily as I picked them up the second time.  Besides I only started smoking again in August…..I was very wrong.  So as part as my “life renovation” smoking…..has got. to. go.  At 24 there is no good reason that I should wake up having breathing problems, coughing up just junk, getting winded walking up steps, spending money I could save, and smelling like smoke around my daughter. 

I started Chantix a week ago.  It weens you onto it and then after 12 weeks, your done.  So I’ve continued smoking thru the first week, which is standard, but today I started the full dose and let me tell you…I have ZERO interest in smoking.  In fact the thought of lighting one up makes me sick.  I had one this morning, my last one, and I have all ideas that is the last one that I will ever have.  It feels SO good to say that.  I am so glad that there is a medicine out there that potentially saves lives.  I feel amazing about myself.  Now it may sound like Im jumping the gun a little but seriously as long as I feel the way I do now a few weeks from now, I have nothing to worry about. 

So I can check that accomplishment off my list (YAY!)  And I have been steady tanning the last month and I must say, I have a nice little glow going on.  Makes me feel good, look a little healthier and makes me appear a little thinner…..appear being the key word lol.  I have been digging into Ephesians a bit at night.  Still not spending as much time in the Word that I want or need but I’m getting into the habit of opening it every night and getting some good reading in anyway.  My renovation is still underway and I still have a little ways to go.  I need a little more discipline on my calorie intake and a little more discipline on the budget but I’m gonna get there. And its going to feel even better when I do.

I’ve been pretty stagnant these days.  Nothing really substantial going on in the noggin but I felt like I needed to jot something down since I’ve got the free time.  I’ve been thinking about renovating my life….pretty much in all areas.  I think I’ve mentioned doing this before, but I always loose my way and direction.  It’s been a good start since January…we started with are finances and I must say I am pretty proud of us as a couple.  I think we could do a little better with the discipline of it but all in all it’s been such a blessing.  And there is nothing like the comfort of knowing we have a little coushin if we need it.

I finished the book about love languages.  I still don’t know what I am….but there is this part about if your love tank is full and stays that way, it could be hard to figure it out since you don’t know what you need because your needs are being met.  Chris is such a good husband that way, I am never in need of anything, and if I am all I have to do is ask…and he takes care of it.  At this point I think I’m a little of all of them.  I was really hoping I could figure it out and it would assist in making our marriage better.  I think that even if a marriage is good it can always be better…..so I guess that part of my “life renovation” is at a stand still.  Chris has to go out of town for at least 3 weeks so that means Im going to play the roll of single mom for a while.  I have to admit that I am really dreading the thought of not having anyone to lean on.  I am so use to being given that much needed break when he gets home…now it will just be a constant “I need mommy”.  In a way tho, Im sure it will bring Chris and I closer and Adalyn will get all the mommy she wants.  We will see how this pans out.

I decided that I am going to start tanning (this is the physical aspect of the renovation).  I know that tanning is not good for you…lol…but Im still going to do it, temporarily.  I remember when I did about 3 years ago, I felt so good about myself and I just looked so much healthier.  Having pasty white skin all the time kinda gets old.  I felt really good about myself when i was tan, almost sexier….and its always awesome when I woman feels sexy, its a whole new attitude.  I think thats the whole thing, after the baby and this new body, I want to do something that makes me feel sexy.  Besides, tan fat looks so much better then white fat… : ) I’ve lost the baby weight but I still have 25lbs to go before the “after Chris” weight.  I think I have made a bargain with myself.  1. Once I get back down to 145lbs…I will chop all my hair off again OR 2. Just set my sights on loosing 15lbs by May 15th.  Thats a little less then two months…..think I can do it?  Hope so. 

My spiritual life needs a MAJOR renovation.  It always has.  I just dont understand why I dont dig into the Word more.  Why dont I set a time away everyday to just devote myself to Him?  I ask myself this all the time. I’m very good at tuning my CD player to christian music and let it maranate in my spirit.  I just love praise and worship music but I still need more.  Can’t survive on music alone.  I always soak up Pastor Steve’s messages but once a week is not often enough.  As easy as it is to start….I think its probably one of the hardest things to do.  I’m probably over complicating it.  Maybe on Monday I’ll just do it.  Start with 15 minutes of prayer and Bible reading.  I think once I begin this renovation some other aspects of my life that I need help on will work themselves out. 

Chris and I changed our 2010 “goals”.  I think that baby #2 is going to wait till 2011.  It’s a great thought to have to youngins only 2 years apart but man……i think we just need some quality time with Adalyn before venturing into another new little life. 

Ok- so thats my plan.

Funk-Be-Gone

Thank you everyone for your encouraging words to my previous post.  It is so nice to know that I’m not alone in this.  And just like I predicted I am out of my funk : )  I suppose everyone has their days where it’s a little harder than others, mine just happened to last a week.  You guys are the best!!

Calling all Moms…

I have been really foggy lately.  I don’t really like it.  Life in an overview is really great right now.  Financially we have been so blessed.  Thanks to the Dave Ramsey class we have built our emergency fund, paid off our furniture, threw a grand on the only other credit card we have, paid off the escrow account and we are in the middle of a refinance which will save us about $120 a month on our mortgage.  How a.m.a.z.i.n.g. is that?  God is so good.    And we are only on our 4th week of class.  (I know why they start these classes around tax time tho, without that we wouldnt be doing as good : )  My marriage is good too, very stable, could always be better but nothing to complain about.  My daughter is a joy, she makes me laugh with her toothy gummy grin.  Our jobs are very predictable.  Chris is doing well in class and work has been lined up for a good year or more so there is no danger of lay offs.  He will continue to get two hefty raises a year.  My job will go back to full time in April which will really kick our debt snowball into over drive.  So like I said, from outside looking in, all is smooth and going well.  So why do I feel so…..blah? 

I tried to explain it to Chris like this: I don’t really want to be at home, for some reason the days are so long and I feel like I just need a break.  Adalyn gets on my nerves to easily and I shouldnt be so impatient with her, she;s only 9 months old.  I’m tired of waking up between 6-7am and doing the same things day in and day out.  Trying to squeeze house work into the day when she naps.  It’s almost like I’m loosing myself in this life as a mommy.  I am almost contemplating stopping at 1 or at least waiting a longer time before number 2.  I dont even know if I want a number 2….I can’t deal with baby number 1.  I mean, I shouldnt say it like that.  I love her, she’s my world but if I feel overwhelmed now and she is soooo good, how am I going to be with 2 babies?? 

Then there’s work, almost like an escape from the drone of being home all day.  However I realized I’m not content there either.  It’s the same old same old that I have been doing for 2 1/2 years.  Same drama of resident life, same people with their same problems, same co-workers with the same complaints, etc.  It’s not really the escape that it use to be, now its just another thing I want to escape from.

Then last night when Chris and I were going out for a date night.  Something I should look forward to right?  But I didnt.  All I kept thinking was that we had to be home by midnight to get the baby and I was still going to have to get up with her in the morning between 6-7am and I was still going to have to get ready for work today and I was still going to have to come home to the same thing….are you getting the trend here?  I could’nt even enjoy the alone time with my husband because it was all so temporary and I couldnt shake that thought from my head.

Chris thinks I should see a therapist….such a dirty word.  Not really but I dont think thats really nessicary…I have only been feeling like this for a week or so.  They would probably give me some sort of anti-depressant and send me on my way.  I don’t think Im depressed.  I’m not laying in bed not wanting to get out, I’m not staring out into space thinking that this life sucks.  I’m sure theres more that goes into depression but I just dont think thats me.  So my question is…what IS going to make me content?  Am I going to wake up one morning and just snap out of this funk?  Is this some sort of baby blues and I am secretly morning the life of freedom I once had?  Maybe.  Do all moms go thru this?  And if they do, why dont they talk about it more?  Let someone else know that they are normal….cuz right now I’m starting to feel as if something is wrong. 

I have kind of scratched the surface of this topic with a few other moms and they said that I was normal…..but those moms seem to be fine too.  *hmmph* Are all moms just putting on a façade that they are fine but really they feel as funky as I do?  So many  questions!!  *sigh* Any moms out there want to comment??

I am going to be brutally honest. I’m throwing today in the crapper.  I could make a list of things that would qualify me to do so but why bore anyone with the details.  Currently tho I am looking out the window wondering why its not snowing since it’s so SO so cold out, it would make today a little bit more interesting.  But its just really wet, really cold and very depressing to have to look at.  It feels the same way in this office too.  Except the wet part, that would put the cherry on top of the mound of whip cream. I think I would just walk out and go home, hmmmm maybe something SHOULD break.  I wish I could have taken some of the sunshine from the past few days and carried it over.  I am comforted by the fact I have some sort of escape when I can go outside and breath in the open air.  Not today.  I have no escape today.  I went to our fitness center for lunch and watched a little TV while walking on the tredmill.  That opened my mind a little.  They say when you work out you feel better and give you more energy.  I have to give it some credit, I dont feel as bad as I did when I woke up. 

Today’s verse “My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor”…I cant catch a break! lol…what an ironic verse for today!  Cheers…to better tomorrows, when you just cant get the today’s in your life better.

2010

Towards the end of the year I was looking forward to posting my life’s major events of 2009.  Well January 1st came and went and here I am thinking, why look back when I really should be looking forward.   It’s a new year and a new start to so many things and possibilities.  I’ve decided to make a list of what is to come (in no particular order):

1.   Chris and I will pay off our Roomstore Card and at least half of the only other credit card we own, one step closer to being debt free.

2.  Celebrate Adalyn’s 1st birthday as well as walking and talking.

3.  Welcome the news of Baby number 2 on the way.

4. Chris is starting his 3rd year of mechanics school (and getting a pretty hefty raise, amen!)

5. My dad is visiting me for the first time since I moved here in 2003.

6. My best friend of 20 years is also coming to visit me over my birthday.

7. My mom is (hoping) to get her settlement and she is going to bless us with gutters and screens for our house…hey its a big deal to us. (maybe even a vacation??)

8. Chris and I will rejoice in our 3rd year of marriage.

9. I will have lost 20lbs before said future baby is concieved : )

10.  I will have quit smoking…..again…due to future baby : )

So those are the things I KNOW that are in store for myself (and us) in 2010 and I’m pretty darn excited about them.  Its going to be good.  I’m sure that there might be a few wrenches thrown in the mix, that’s called life, but for the most part my future looks really lovely.

And just because I want to I am going to include the highlights of 2009.  Not all things were good but these were significant things that 2009 brought to us.

1. We bought our first home, brand new, which was completly more then what we expected.  God is SO good.

2. 7 days later Chris was laid off from work. Booooo.

3. But again God is SO good and he went back to work in April, just one month before….

4. Adayln was born!!

6. We got that fabulous 8,000 tax credit which we put up our privacy fence and allowed me to stay home with Adalyn for the full 12 weeks. 

7. Between all this life stuff my mom moved in and then out again in 7 months.  She moved to VA which left me completely familyless in NC : (

8. Chris and I celebrated 2 years of marriage, we went to this really cute mexican restaurant off of Creedmore Rd.  It was awesome.

9. I went to ND twice….and got to see my dad TWICE…in one year.

10. We welcomed a brand new sister for Chris and a new sister in law for me.  Elizabeth Grace Johnson : )

So there you have it….two years forward and back.