I have been really foggy lately. I don’t really like it. Life in an overview is really great right now. Financially we have been so blessed. Thanks to the Dave Ramsey class we have built our emergency fund, paid off our furniture, threw a grand on the only other credit card we have, paid off the escrow account and we are in the middle of a refinance which will save us about $120 a month on our mortgage. How a.m.a.z.i.n.g. is that? God is so good. And we are only on our 4th week of class. (I know why they start these classes around tax time tho, without that we wouldnt be doing as good : ) My marriage is good too, very stable, could always be better but nothing to complain about. My daughter is a joy, she makes me laugh with her toothy gummy grin. Our jobs are very predictable. Chris is doing well in class and work has been lined up for a good year or more so there is no danger of lay offs. He will continue to get two hefty raises a year. My job will go back to full time in April which will really kick our debt snowball into over drive. So like I said, from outside looking in, all is smooth and going well. So why do I feel so…..blah?
I tried to explain it to Chris like this: I don’t really want to be at home, for some reason the days are so long and I feel like I just need a break. Adalyn gets on my nerves to easily and I shouldnt be so impatient with her, she;s only 9 months old. I’m tired of waking up between 6-7am and doing the same things day in and day out. Trying to squeeze house work into the day when she naps. It’s almost like I’m loosing myself in this life as a mommy. I am almost contemplating stopping at 1 or at least waiting a longer time before number 2. I dont even know if I want a number 2….I can’t deal with baby number 1. I mean, I shouldnt say it like that. I love her, she’s my world but if I feel overwhelmed now and she is soooo good, how am I going to be with 2 babies??
Then there’s work, almost like an escape from the drone of being home all day. However I realized I’m not content there either. It’s the same old same old that I have been doing for 2 1/2 years. Same drama of resident life, same people with their same problems, same co-workers with the same complaints, etc. It’s not really the escape that it use to be, now its just another thing I want to escape from.
Then last night when Chris and I were going out for a date night. Something I should look forward to right? But I didnt. All I kept thinking was that we had to be home by midnight to get the baby and I was still going to have to get up with her in the morning between 6-7am and I was still going to have to get ready for work today and I was still going to have to come home to the same thing….are you getting the trend here? I could’nt even enjoy the alone time with my husband because it was all so temporary and I couldnt shake that thought from my head.
Chris thinks I should see a therapist….such a dirty word. Not really but I dont think thats really nessicary…I have only been feeling like this for a week or so. They would probably give me some sort of anti-depressant and send me on my way. I don’t think Im depressed. I’m not laying in bed not wanting to get out, I’m not staring out into space thinking that this life sucks. I’m sure theres more that goes into depression but I just dont think thats me. So my question is…what IS going to make me content? Am I going to wake up one morning and just snap out of this funk? Is this some sort of baby blues and I am secretly morning the life of freedom I once had? Maybe. Do all moms go thru this? And if they do, why dont they talk about it more? Let someone else know that they are normal….cuz right now I’m starting to feel as if something is wrong.
I have kind of scratched the surface of this topic with a few other moms and they said that I was normal…..but those moms seem to be fine too. *hmmph* Are all moms just putting on a façade that they are fine but really they feel as funky as I do? So many questions!! *sigh* Any moms out there want to comment??
oh babe! do i want to comment!
yes yes and yes,..i totally know what you mean,.. and im five years into it! finding andrew, i think.. must have been the only relief i have had in these past 5 years.(and i am completely aware that there may come a day when even that feels humdrum, i hope it doesnt and i will fight to make it more exciting even then!) then especially with school recently,.. its this very dull and specific routine to get up go to school get up go to work get up get up get up and DOOO.
idk what to say, except that it is important that you find time for yourself.(and for you and your husband) find someone to watch adalyn for more than the midnight curfew, heck I WILL! so that you dont have the added stressor of, oh 6 oclock will be coming soon. make some very unboundaried time for you guys — this “routine” is very much a part of the mommy life, but incorporating breaks is importants so that you DONT get lost in that routine.
as far as the therapist thing? i am totally not against them, HOWEVER,.. it might be nice to talk to someone, who is a bit more professional than my above rantings
i suggest Pastor Connie. she doesnt charge anything because we are members of the church and she can really offer you sound advice in regards to handling challenges based on how we learn to at LWFC/with the Word.
hope this helps, if you ever just need someone to vent to you can always call me!!
love ya girl
I’m not a mom, but I may be dealing with some of what you have to deal with since I am the one that stays home. I’m personally more of a homebody than most people, so that part doesn’t bother me so much, but I do get where you’re coming from. Sometimes you feel like you’re just going through the motions, not really enjoying life but just getting by, and that sucks. I think everyone deals with this from time to time.
That said, acting like everything is normal is one way of dealing with it, if you dwell on the emotional feeling of just getting by it will get you down and turn into a real depression, instead of just a short lived funk.
Okay, Baby. I understand where you are at. I didn’t feel this way with my first, because of her preemie problems, we were at the hospital 50% of her life until she was 2 or so.
But, then, at home with a chronically ill child, and one infant to boot, then Ian came in as a bonus! Whoa!
I felt like that’s all I did. Life rotated in a never-ending loop!
My mom (your Grandma) told me, “This too shall end.”
I couldn’t believe it. She also said that in a blink of an eye, these little ones would be grown, and we wouldn’t even know where the time went.
I didn’t believe this.
Now I do.
Honey, now is the time to dive into the Bible. Read about the women in the Bible…their hard times help our hard times…really.
Stop loading up on guilt, and start having like-minded people pray for you. Don’t be ashamed! This really is normal!
Maybe, try a ladies Bible study in your home one morning a week.
Or, get involved in MOPS; or trade “time off” with some other mom once a week so you could walk the mall or something.
We will be praying for you (& Chris), and with you.
We love you sooooo much!
Love, Mom
Just like Justin, I’m not a Mom and I stay home with Hannah during the day. I work at home so there is that challenge for me of trying to get work done while also taking care of baby.
I can give a little different perspective as I was about your age when I had my first child who is now almost 18. I feel it is completely normal to feel how you are feeling. It is normal to miss the freedom you had of just going when you want and doing what you want without planning for childcare and such.
In general, I think most people don’t like change and having a baby is one of the biggest changes a couple will go through. Know that while there are challenges and it’s not always perfect joy 24 hours a day, at the end of it all you WILL look back and be so glad to have the experience.
Being a parent is full of fun moments and not so fun moments but I think you will find as she grows that you are really enjoying the overall experience.
Also, don’t feel pressured to have baby # 2, 2 really is twice as much work and just take some time to decide if you want to make that commitment. More than one child isn’t for everybody.
Just relax Brandy, I think you will find that most Moms will tell you what you are experiencing is normal and they have all gone through it to some degree.
I’ll let you in on a secret too, as a Father who for the most part raised his son by himself, it gets easier and easier. I mean think about it, isn’t a little easier than when she was first born? They start to learn to do more things and it will make your life easier, and then they become teenagers! ;o)